Family

Family is a very peculiar network at times. We grow up together and know each other..endure all of our growing years together. And then something happens as we mature.We begin to see each other in an entirely new light.We begin to see that the little children have grown into mature adults. Adults who have their own ways of thinking,own ways of living and own ways of being.We begin to draw lines in the sand and realize that if we don't draw the lines then the adult siblings will never see who we are as adults. They will never respect our opinions, our life styles and our perspectives.. until we can demonstrate to them that we have grown and changed and that old ways of living are no longer acceptable to us . We tend to see our siblings as the little children that we once grew up with and that the same things that worked at 5 will work at 45. But as we grow and change so to do our coping skills and we no longer respond to what we did as children.

But until we can change our views of each other real family love can never ever occur. We must move our views into a new place and see each other as full grown adults, who have some remnant of our child like personalities. We must show honesty and respect of each others opinions and allow each other to make mistakes and not involve ourselves in each other messes. Sometimes we believe that we are helping by interfering in the lives of our family members but just like others in our life, we must step back and allow them to experience their own lessons, their own journey(s) and respect that they are mature enough to handle the consequences of their action.

I am a sister, daughter, cousin who truly desires real family love. I try very hard to give it, I will give you anything that I have. I will share with you all of my blessings.. But I can not allow you to continue to disrespect me as a  grown woman--by not respecting my boundaries, by believing that you can continue to take my family love and trample on it with no regard to me and my feelings. I cannot allow you to continue to try to divide and hide behind your childhood issues that by now, you should have dealt with, processed and moved on from. I cannot allow you to come into my home and not respect my families rules. I cannot continue to soothe you out of fear of losing you. I have spent to many years waiting for you to display some remnants of a mature person who will respect me as I have tried to do you. I will no longer make excuses for you, like that is just the way she is, or it is me with the problem, it is me that is hurting you.  I see things a lot clearer now, that a relationship is two-sided and that both sides has to make concessions. I will not continue to bend for you, as my bending has done nothing but allowed you to continue to perpetuate your reckless disregard for me.

I am so tired of trying to fix things, I had this unrealistic view that one day we would come together as whole adults, free from all of the issues of the past. But I now realize that some never move on, some never envision better or want to move pass what is blocking them from a healthy relationship , because it is safe operating from the dysfunctional place that they are in.

So this is what I want for you...I want you to be happy, I want you to have everything that your heart desires, I want you to live your passion and be the person that you see in your head. I want you to have and experience self-love and bask in it and I want you to pray daily for healing for your broken places.

And this is what I want for me, I want to have a relationship with my family and I want to be accepted for who I am--right now and today. I will not continue to beg you to love me, because GOD and my husband have that covered. I am here when you are ready to embark on a healthy relationship, but I can no longer engage in the unhealthiness. I will no longer do anything to keep you in my life, those times are over.And will never, ever return.

So this week remember to tell your family that you love them and when they are ready to experience a true  relationship, free from all of the stuff--tell them that you will be there.

Go Forth and Do Amazing Things This Week!

Kind Regards,

Pauline

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